Idiot Seraphim Quattro
by Meowzy-chan
Summary: 4th part in the Idiot Seraphim series. The gang of Cruxis gets a mysterious visitor. But is this man really who he claims to be? Pairings: ZexLl, KrxYu, MixGe, MaxCo
1. Prologue

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim quattro.

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Disclaimer. 

Yes yes, I know what I said. I said that there would not be a fourth Idiot Seraphim fic. But when I got hit by a plot, it was too cool to pass up. So I proudly present… Idiot Seraphim Quattro!

First off, I don't own Tales of Symphonia, or the characters. This counts for all chapters to come.

Secondly, this story is a bit alternate universed, since it diverts from the original ending. If you want more insight on how it diverts, read the previous Idiot seraphim fics.

Thirdly, I suppose the characters are a bit out of character. This always happens when I write a fanfic. There are some who find my view of characters refreshing. Others yell at me for it. But don't worry. I'll _try_ to keep your image of them intact.

Fourthly, this fic supports the couplings of KratosxYuan, LloydxZelos and MithosxGenis. If you can't stand the couplings, don't take it out on the reviews. M'kay? This story was written for the sake of comedy and fangirling.

Fifthly, it never hurts to leave a review! And it makes me very happy! So… if you have time… (hint hint)

Now, this story was mostly written to support a theory of mine, that Dhaos from Tales of Phantasia is actually Yuan. I can't really say all the proof, because it would be incredibly spoilerous for everyone who wasn't played/finished ToP yet. So you'll just have to trust me on this one. All you need to know is that Dhaos is incredibly girly, and that ToP is set about 4000 years after ToS.

* * *

Prologue. 

For everyone who suffers from short term memory loss, and for everyone who is just too lazy to read an extra forty-five minutes, I shall recap the events of Idiot seraphim in this prologue.

It all started off when the guys of Cruxis hired Zelos to be the fourth seraphim. Zelos agreed, and was dragged off to Vinheim the second, where he could live from now on. After a rowdy party at Lloyd's place, Zelos awoke next to the birthday boy. The guys from Cruxis ofcourse, knew all along he was gay. Zelos still denied it, and tried to find distraction in Cruxis's radical actions against discrimination. When he faced certain death however, he admitted that he is in fact gay. Later on, when everyone was celebrating Mithos's four thousand and thirteenth birthday in Flanoir, he admitted to Lloyd that he may have feelings for him.

Two years later, Zelos proposed to him. Lloyd accepted. But then the boy went missing. Zelos, Kratos, Yuan and Mithos embarked on a quest to find him. After being dragged around the entire united world, they found out that Lloyd had been kidnapped by none other than Colette Brunel. The girl wanted revenge, because Lloyd had used the Kharlan tree to start his Mana company. The company that supplies mana throughout the world, without exhausting the tree too much. Colette demanded half of the company, but Lloyd refused to budge. Eventually, the gang managed to free him, and the wedding happened as planned.

A year later, Mithos succeeded in reviving Martel, using an automated doll similar to Tabatha. Martel was not pleased to find out Yuan and Kratos were a couple now, and tried her best to keep the two apart. Meanwhile, she also frowned heavily upon the relationship between Mithos and Genis Sage. Everyone was soon on the brink of insanity, which only got worse when Martel accidentally exposed herself as an angel while saving Altamira from a tidal wave. Soon, it was time for another one of Mithos's birthday parties, where everyone has to come in couples. Just as Martel forced Yuan to tell everyone they were getting married soon, Colette came to crash the party. Martel came to the shocking conclusion that she was gay, and that she only liked Yuan because he was so girly. She soon ditched the party and ran off with Colette. But she still had to live with her little brother, ofcourse. That's how all seven seraphim ended up together in Vinheim the second. This story starts a few months afterwards.


	2. Chapter one

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Okay, so... Let's get started!))

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Chapter one. 

It was a few months after Colette had moved into Vinheim the second. The gang of Cruxis thought it would be just another dull evening. They were very much mistaken. In the living room, two of our favourite Seraphim were playing a game of Scrabble just before our plot kicks in.

"So why aren't the others playing? This is the weekly Cruxis Scrabble evening, afterall." Kratos remarked.

"With all of them out of the way, I have a higher chance of winning." Yuan responded, peering at the Scrabble board in deep thought.

"Doesn't that mean I have a higher chance of winning too?" Kratos tilted his head slightly. "Besides, I'm the undefeated Cruxis Scrabble Queen for sixty years running."

"Only because you stole the title from me, on that fateful day when my losing streak began." Yuan growled.

"Just face the fact that you can't beat me anymore."

"No! Look, see? I'm winning right now." Yuan formed the word 'doomed' on the Scrabble board. Kratos was just about to counter that move, when the doorbell rang.

"Wait here. Don't touch anything." Yuan said dangerously, before heading out the living room. The human let out a soft sigh, before switching some of his letters with Yuan's, thereby giving the half-elf a higher chance of winning. Being Scrabble Queen for sixty years running was tiring.

* * *

Yuan pulled the front door open harshly, expecting to see Genis. Therefore, he got quite a surprise when he noticed it wasn't Genis at all. It was a man with long, wild blonde hair and deep blue eyes. He wore black clothing adorned with yellow lining, and a ruffled orange cloak. The man had some sort of girly aura floating around him. 

"Who the hell are you?" Yuan asked suspiciously. "You're not selling girlscout cookies or anything like that, are you?"

"No time to talk!" The man said roughly, shoving the half-elf out of the way before striding into Vinheim.

"H-hey!" Yuan hurried after the stranger, who was heading for the living room. "You can't just barge into people's homes like this!"

The man swiftly opened the door, a fuming Yuan hot on his trail. Kratos looked up to stare at the intruder, who stared back. There was a moment of silence.

"Kratos!"

The table with the Scrabble board was knocked to the ground as the man jumped towards Kratos, and slung his arms around him.

"… Do I know you?" the human asked slowly.

"Hey, that's enough buddy!" Yuan grabbed the stranger by his cloak, and pulled him off his lover again. "Just who do you think you are?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should've explained." The blonde dusted himself off again, before looking up sincerely. "I am the demon lord, Dhaos. But I am also your future."

A long silence followed. Yuan and Kratos exchanged quick glances.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm you. I travelled back in time." Dhaos nodded wisely.

"Uhm… I see a few problems with that theory. First of all, you look nothing like me!" Yuan exclaimed.

"Well, you see, Mithos started a small hype with his Yggdrasill trick. A few thousand years from now, everyone in Cruxis will be abusing their Cruxis crystals to improve their looks, with a matching alter ego."

"You think I'd buy that? You're obviously some sort of desperate Kratos fanboy, trying to steal him away from me."

"I cannot deny that I am." Dhaos admitted. "See, in my time Kratos died in a horrible, tragic accident. So now I'll take Kratos back to the future with me, and we'll live happily ever after."

"Wait… I'm confused." Yuan tried to make sense of all that, but failed. "Kratos, say something about this!"

Kratos looked up, thinking deeply. "If everyone in the future has an alter ego, what did mine look like? Or rather, what will he look like?"

"That's not what I meant!" Yuan shouted.

"He looked so wonderful." Dhaos sighed, suddenly going sparkly eyed in the way Yuan always goes when someone mentions Kratos. "He wore a pretty-"

The blonde was suddenly interrupted, as two girls entered the living room.

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((... Neh. Okay... So, there's your plot. Dhaos from Tales of Phantasia, who is actually Yuan in my messed up mind, has travelled back in time to come and fetch his beloved Kratos. It may seem like an odd plot, but it'll get better. I promise!)) 


	3. Chapter two

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Wow, my first Idiot Seraphim 4 reviews. Thank you all! I'll reply to a few!

**Kirbykirby726:** The plot will develop later. And I've watched all 4 episodes of the anime! It rocks!

**Crystal Adept:** YuanxDhaos? Uuuuh... No. Nice thought though. ... I think. (Narcissincest?)

**DraNKa:** The plot is gonna get WAY more amusing. I promise you that.

**Other reviewers:** Thank you all for joining me for another round of Idiot Seraphim! Enjoy chapter two!))

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Chapter two. 

"Yuan! I love what you did with your hair!" Martel exclaimed, staring at Dhaos.

"Uhm… I'm over here." Yuan called, waving faintly.

"Oh? Then who's this guy?" Colette asked, observing Dhaos closely.

"He claims to be me from the future." Yuan growled.

"Not that hard to believe, actually." Martel pondered aloud.

"Are you kidding? It's insane!"

Dhaos, who was feeling a bit bored at all the conversation, slowly sidestepped towards Kratos. Yuan shot him an angry glare, and pulled him back by his arm.

"Look, I say we just kick him out, and-"

"Oh, good! Then you can start cleaning the showerdrain. It's clogged again." Martel said with a soft smirk.

"What? _Again_?" Yuan's eyes widened in terror.

"Yes, and since it's your turn to clean the bathroom…"

"What? I thought it was Colette's turn!"

"No, I switched that for your cooking shift." Colette replied simply.

"I never agreed to that!" Yuan exclaimed angrily.

"You don't have a choice in the matter." Martel shrugged.

"Heh, I forgot how annoying Martel used to be." Dhaos said with a wide smirk.

"What do you mean, 'used to'?" Kratos inquired.

"You see, in my time she-"

Dhaos was once again interrupted, as Lloyd and Mithos entered. They immediately halted their conversation about socks to stare at the blonde.

"Yuan, did you lose weight?" Lloyd asked slowly.

"I'm over here!" Yuan called, getting slightly annoyed.

"Why's there two of you?" Mithos tilted his head slightly.

"There can't be two of me! If there were two of me, the universe would implode or something like that…"

"Nah, that's just a myth. You can, however, rewrite history." Dhaos nodded wisely.

"… Kratos, could I talk to you over here for a second?" Yuan beckoned to a corner of the room. The human gave a faint nod, and followed.

* * *

"What's up, past Yuan?" Kratos asked, smiling brightly. 

"You don't actually believe that guy, do you?" Yuan asked incredulous.

"Well, he knows an awful lot about you. And Cruxis…"

"He could've read that in my autobiography!" Yuan retorted.

"You wrote an autobiography?" Kratos asked, slightly amazed.

"No. But I might, in the future."

Kratos raised an eyebrow at that comment, but decided not to pursue it.

"How could people possibly mistake me for him? I mean, look at him!" Yuan pointed vaguely at Dhaos, who was having a discussion with Lloyd, while hugging a Kratos plushie.

"Uhm… Yeah. It's crazy." Kratos said, not really convinced.

* * *

"So, you're from the future huh?" Lloyd asked. 

"Yup."

"Is it nice over there?"

"Well, it's alright, I suppose. Though the weather tends to have a mind of its own." Dhaos frowned slightly.

"No global warming problems?" Lloyd inquired.

"Not that I'm aware of."

"How's the Mana company doing in the future? Do I make a lot of money?"

"Actually, it-" Dhaos was interrupted once more, as Kratos called him over.

"Dhaos, could we talk to you for a minute?"

"Coming!" Dhaos immediately walked off, leaving Lloyd completely in the dark about the future of his beloved company.

"What can I do for you, beloved?" the blonde asked happily, pinching Kratos' butt. That was a big mistake.

"Pervert!"

Dhaos soon received a slap in his face, causing both him and Yuan to wince in pain.

"What the hell?" the blue-haired half-elf exclaimed, reaching up to touch his cheek.

"Heh, I guess that whenever someone hurts me, you get hurt too." Dhaos shrugged.

"I wonder if that works both ways…" Kratos stepped on Yuan's toe, causing both men to curse and hop around on one foot.

"Kratos, stop hurting me!" Yuan whined.

"Yeah! You're mean!" Dhaos whined.

"You two really are a lot alike…" Kratos sighed. "Anyway, we were wondering. Supposing you really are Yuan from the future… Where did you get the ability to time travel?"

"Can't tell you. It's in violation of the time travelling regulations."

"You wouldn't even tell… _me_?" Kratos put on his most adorable face, causing Yuan to scowl heavily. Dhaos practically melted away.

"Well, okay. You see, in the future we-"

And once again Dhaos was interrupted, as the door opened and the last of our seraphim entered the room.

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((Don't you just love the way Dhaos keeps getting interrupted whenever he wants to say something about the future? Heheheh...)) 


	4. Chapter three

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot Seraphim Quattro.

((A/N: Oh wow... Look at all the reviews! Thanks everyone!

**Zeldafan422:** I think an autobiography for Yuan might be a bit too much work... The guy's 4000 years old, afterall.

**Symphonia-girl:** Yuan and Dhaos looking nothing alike is pretty much the joke of it all. XD

**Sesshy is sexii:** Yay! I have a wonderful sense ofcreativity!

**Brandy Mallory:** Yup. Zelos time.

**Dragonwings144:** -_evil grin_-

**Silver Latias:** Yeah, I wanted to get a headstart on writing before uploading.

**Everyone else:** Thanks for reviewing! You all rule!))

* * *

Chapter three. 

"You!" Dhaos roared savagely, immediately turning face the red-haired ex-chosen.

"I'm sorry Yuan! I didn't mean to break your picture frame!" Zelos called immediately, holding up his hands in defence.

"I'm over h- Hey, wait! You broke my picture frame?" Yuan was suddenly scowling dangerously.

"Oh no! Yuan cloned himself so he could get double revenge!" Zelos shrieked wildly.

"I'll kill you!" Dhaos shouted, lunging forward to strangle the man. Luckily, Lloyd jumped in between just in time.

"Back off, buddy!" he growled, holding Dhaos back with his swords.

"My hero!" Zelos called happily, clasping his hands together.

"You don't understand! He _killed_ him! He killed the love of my life!" Dhaos snarled, trying to reach Zelos' neck.

"I thought you said Kratos dies in a tragic accident?" Yuan asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Yes. You see, nancy boy here was in charge of making dinner. He made spaghetti…" A long pause followed, and everyone held their breath waiting for the clue. "With tomato sauce."

The entire gang gasped.

"Zelos, how _could_ you?" Kratos called, obviously hurt. He turned and buried his face in Yuan's shoulder, who patted him on the back.

"You murderer!" Mithos exclaimed.

"I'm sure it was an accident." Lloyd said in the chosen's defence.

"Well, I'm going to make sure that accident will never happen." Dhaos called, shoving Lloyd out of the way to get to Zelos again. The redhead started shrieking like a little girl, and backed away.

"Oh no you don't!" Martel and Colette were suddenly both blocking Dhaos' path, their weapons raised.

"Now, you _may_ be Yuan from the future, and Zelos _may_ be a blithering, perverted idiot…" Martel began.

"Gee, thanks." Zelos said with a frown.

"And I used to hate his guts because he married my childhood crush…" Colette added.

"Only because of our mutual love!" Zelos called.

"But he's a member of our team now! We won't let you kill him in nasty ways!" Martel said dangerously.

"Oooh, I'm shaking." Dhaos rolled his eyes sarcastically.

"Don't make me use my secret weapon." Martel warned.

"You don't mean…" Dhaos gasped.

"Yes!" the green-haired woman cleared her throat.

"Martel, no!" Yuan called, but he was too late.

"Decaf." She said simply. It had an instantaneous effect. Both Yuan and Dhaos clasped their hands over their ears.

"You fiend!" the blonde growled. "I'll kill you." He raised his hand to summon a magic attack.

"Decaf." Martel said again, causing the man to jump back, his eye twitching slightly.

"Lalalah! I'm not listening!" Yuan called desperately.

"Decaf! Decaf!" Colette sang, bouncing up and down happily.

"Nooo! Nooooo!" Dhaos fell to his knees, as Yuan hid behind Kratos, still singing absentmindedly.

"Decaf." Martel hissed firmly.

"Why? Why lord, _why_?" Dhaos screamed, raising his hands to the sky dramatically. Yuan started to weep silently, sinking to the ground.

"Martel, stop it. Now." Kratos snarled.

"Why? I'm enjoying myself." Martel grinned evilly.

"I'll get you for this! Mark my words! You'll never be safe again!" Dhaos stormed out the door, his cloak billowing behind him.

"Okaaay… That was awkward." Lloyd said slowly, blinking in a confused way.

"Yuan, your future self wants to kill me. What do you have to say for yourself?" Zelos asked, crossing his arms.

"When will the hurting stop?" Yuan wailed, clinging to Kratos' leg.

"It's okay Yuan." The auburn-haired human petted him on the head softly.

"It's not okay. She said the 'D' word." He pointed to Martel accusingly. "She knows I hate the 'D' word."

"What, decaf?" Colette asked stupidly.

"Waaaaah!"

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((Poor little Yuan does enjoy his caffeïne...)) 


	5. Chapter four

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Whoah, sorry I'm so late everyone! It's my B-day tomorrow, and the party was today, so... Heh. Busy busy.

Uhm... To make this short... Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chappie! I'm too lazy to reply...))

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Chapter four. 

The next day, the doorbell rang again. And once again, Yuan was the one to answer it.

"_Now_ what do you want?" he sighed, as he found Dhaos standing on his doorstep.

"I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour the other day. I was out of line…" Dhaos began, staring at the ground with a guilty expression on his face.

"… And?"

"And I was wondering if I could stay here."

"No." Yuan made to close the door.

"Please! I don't have anywhere else to go! Everyone who is remotely decent lives here. I don't have money for an inn, and I forgot the entry codes to the Renegade base." Dhaos whined.

"Perhaps it's because you never knew them?" Yuan asked with a frown.

"What are you implying?" Dhaos gasped.

"Oh, come on. Just drop the charade. You and I both know you're not me."

"Yes I am!"

"Prove it." Yuan demanded. "If that form is sustained by your Cruxis crystal, then surely you'll have no problem turning back into me."

"I… cant." Dhaos muttered.

"So you admit you're not me?"

"No, that's not it. See, I forgot how to change back." Dhaos looked away.

"Tch. Sure you did." Yuan tried to close the door again.

"No, come on! You gotta let me stay here! I had to spend the night on the street! I woke up with a hobo leaning against my shoulder!" Dhaos exclaimed.

"Yuan, what's all this racket?" Kratos entered the hallway, followed by the rest of the gang.

"Kratos!" Dhaos' eyes immediately began to sparkle.

"The creepy imposter is back." Yuan said grumpily.

"Creepy? I think he's kinda loveable." Kratos pondered aloud.

"Loveable?" Zelos exclaimed. "He calls himself a demon lord, and threatened to kill me!"

"Well, Yuan threatened to kill me and Lloyd, and _he_'s loveable too."

"Ah, he's got a point." Martel admitted.

"What does he want?" Lloyd asked, turning to Yuan.

"You don't have to talk about me like I'm not here!" Dhaos called.

"He wants to stay here." Yuan said, completely ignoring the blonde.

"Hey!" Dhaos shouted.

"Well, we're not going to let him, right?" Zelos asked, twitching nervously.

"Don't ignore me!" Dhaos stomped his foot on the ground angrily.

"I dunno… I feel kinda bad leaving him outside like this." Kratos commented.

"You're kidding, right?" Yuan asked incredulously.

"Yuan, you don't want to leave your future self out in the cold, do you?"

"Yeah, do you?" Dhaos added.

"He's not my future self!" Yuan called hopelessly.

"How can you be sure?" Martel questioned.

"Just _look_ at him! I'm telling you, he's messed with your minds or something."

"Hey guys, what's going on here?" Genis suddenly appeared behind Dhaos, raising an eyebrow.

"Let's put your theory to the test, Yuan." Lloyd said, and he turned to his white-haired friend. "Genis, which of these two men is the real Yuan?"

"Huh?" Genis glanced back and forth between Dhaos and Yuan, thinking deeply. "Gee, that's a tough one. That one is wearing Yuan's trademark scowl." The boy pointed to Yuan, who glared back. "But that other one…"

"Oh, come on. It's not that hard." Yuan growled.

"Yeah, surely you can tell that _I_'m Yuan." Dhaos said with a shrug.

"No you're not." Yuan retorted.

"Hm… I'd say that they're both Yuan. But that can't be, right?" Genis asked, starting to doubt his own intellect.

"And there we have it." Dhaos said simply.

"No way!" Yuan gasped. "You tricked him!"

"Genis is the smartest kid around. He couldn't be tricked." Lloyd shrugged.

"Yeah. Don't doubt my Genis!" Mithos called, slinging an arm around Genis' shoulder.

"But… But…" Yuan stuttered.

"Dhaos always triumphs!" Dhaos said happily.

"Aww… He's so cute!" Colette squeaked.

"Can we keep him?" Kratos asked.

"I dunno… Having a demon lord is a big responsibility." Martel pondered. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Yeah!" Kratos nodded vigorously.

"Well, okay then. But if he murders Zelos, you have to get rid of him again."

"H-Huh?" Zelos looked up nervously.

"You have got to be kidding." Yuan grumbled, as Dhaos was led inside by Kratos and Colette.

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((Dhaos! Available at petstores near you!)) 


	6. Chapter five

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: 18 year old Meowzy greets you all!

**Zeldafan422:** You mean Dhaos would be forced to sleep outside? Or in a doghouse? Poor guy...

**DraNKa:** Actually, I doubt mr. Snuggles would get along well with Dhaos. Mr. Snuggles would know it's Yuan.

**Crystal Adept:** Ah yes... Pet Yuan... That'd be neat.

**Dragonwings144:** Yes, yes. There will be some form of MithosxGenis in this chapter. Somewhere...

**Everyone else:** Thanks for reviewing! Enjoy this chapter!))

* * *

Chapter five. 

"So you're saying that this man is Yuan from the future, who wants to kill Zelos, and take Kratos back to the future with him?" Genis summed up, as the group was sitting in the living room, trying to explain the situation.

"Yes. It's stupid, isn't it? Tell them it's stupid." Yuan demanded.

"Well, actually..." Genis began.

"Oh lords..." Yuan buried his face in his hands.

"But there's a more pressing problem at hand. If he goes through with his mission, it could be disastrous."

"Yeah, ofcourse it would. I'll be dead!" Zelos exclaimed.

"That's not what I meant. It would create some sort of time paradox."

"A _whatnow_?" the seraphim and Dhaos asked at the same time.

"I'll try to explain in your language." Genis reached into his pocket, and pulled out a box of crayons and a piece of paper.

"Oooh! Colours!" Colette squeaked, as everyone immediately snapped to attention.

"Now look. In the future, we have Dhaos, Kratos and Zelos." Genis drew three stickfigures, with trademark hair of the person they were supposed to be. 

"What about _me_?" Martel demanded.

"Huh?" Genis looked up.

"Aren't I in the future too?"

"That's not relevant to the explanation." Genis grunted.

"Look, brat! I'm the goddess Martel! I'm _always_ relevant."

"Okay, _fine_!" Genis drew a Martel stickfigure. "Happy now?"

"One arm is shorter than the other." Martel pointed out.

"Well, you lose half your arm in a meat grinder accident. Now pay attention." Genis snarled. Martel pouted at him in return. "Okay, so Zelos feeds Kratos that spaghetti, thereby killing him." Genis drew a little plate of spaghetti, and crossed out Kratos' stickfigure. Everyone gasped, and Dhaos gave a small sob. "Dhaos returns to the past, where he meets himself, Kratos and Zelos." Genis moved to the other side of the paper, and drew four new stickfigures to meet the story. "Now watch what happens when he kills Zelos." The boy crossed out past Zelos.

"Ouch." Zelos said.

"This means that Zelos has no future. Therefore..." Genis crossed out future Zelos too. "Zelos from the future cannot feed Kratos the spaghetti, and therefore doesn't kill him."

"Yaaay!" Dhaos called.

"This also means that Dhaos never went back in time to kill Zelos. But if Dhaos never went back in time to kill Zelos, it means that Zelos would still be alive to kill Kratos in the future. It's like a vicious circle." Genis pointed it all out on the drawing, as the seraphim gasped.

"Whoah... That's funky." Lloyd said slowly.

"Ah Genis, you're so smart!" Mithos called, grinning widely.

"So what you're saying is... I can't kill Zelos?" Dhaos asked.

"That's right."

"Well, okay. But I'm still taking Kratos with me."

"_Excuse_ me?" Kratos asked in surprise.

"_Excuse_ me?" Yuan asked in annoyance.

"You can't do that either." Genis pointed out. "If you do that, then Kratos won't be there in the future, when Zelos cooks the spaghetti. Therefore, he can't die, and there's another vicious circle."

"Stupid circles!" Dhaos shouted, shaking his fist at nothing in particular.

"Plus, you'd be leaving Yuan, your past self, without Kratos for four thousand years. Lord knows what that could do to his, and your own mental health." The white-haired boy added.

"What are you implying?" Yuan snarled.

"Oh, come on. It's obvious you'd go mad without him."

"Seconded." Martel said.

"Thirded." Lloyd said.

"Fourteth." Zelos said.

"That's not a word." Colette called from across the table.

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"So, what are we going to do now?" Kratos cut in.

"Obviously, mister Dhaos here is going to go back to his own time, since he cannot complete his missions." Zelos answered quickly.

"No, I don't think I will." Dhaos pondered.

"What?"

"I... Uh... Need time to recharge my timetravelling energy. Yeah."

"You're lying, aren't you?" Yuan growled, crossing his arms.

"I'm not lying until you prove I am." Dhaos clapped his hands enthusiastically. "So, where do I sleep?"

* * *

((Time paradoxes are tricky things, aren't they?)) 


	7. Chapter six

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Yay! Another chapter! (but I'm way behind with writing the chapters...)

**Master Summoner Sheena:** Yeah, Genis explains it all so well.

**Zeldafan422:** There's really not much of a benefit in killing your past self anyway.

**Brandy Mallory:** Oh noes! Not pig latin!

**Off:** Glad to see you're enjoying the story.

**Notahu:** Thanks for that awesome review!

**Everyone else who reviewed:** Thank you so much!))

* * *

Chapter six. 

"Well, I suppose you can have the spare room next to Kratos and Yuan." Martel pondered. Yuan cleared his throat loudly, glaring at her.

"I mean the room down the hall from Zelos and Lloyd." She corrected herself. Zelos cleared his throat loudly, glaring at the girl in a similar way.

"… I mean the room next to the second floor bathroom."

"Yeah, okay." Zelos said, nodding faintly, as Yuan gave a non-caring shrug in the background.

"Yippee." Dhaos grinned widely, doing some sort of happy dance. Everyone stared at him.

"Ah, but if you want to stay, you'll have to stick to a few rules." Mithos called.

"Awww…" pouting heavily, Dhaos sat down again.

"Number one, it's only temporary. As soon as you get your time travelling powers back, you're out of here."

"Number two, stay out of my way when I haven't had my morning coffee yet." Lloyd added.

"Don't kill Zelos, or hurt him in any way." Kratos pondered slowly. "We don't want a time paradox."

"And don't use my toothbrush." Zelos called loudly.

"I brought my own…" Dhaos pulled a sparkly purple toothbrush out of his cloak. Zelos threw him a suspicious glance.

"You have to help out with the chores around the castle." Martel said sharply.

"Except for cooking." Mithos added hastily.

"Mithos, let me finish." Martel glared at her little brother, before turning back to Dhaos. "Except for cooking."

"Hey, what's wrong with my cooking?" Dhaos asked, suddenly looking gloomy.

"I doubt Yuan's cooking skills could have improved in four thousand years." Lloyd whispered.

"Yeah. If anything, it's only gotten worse." Mithos grinned widely.

"H-hey! My cooking skills are just fine, thankyouverymuch!" Yuan snapped. "And it doesn't matter anyway, because this guy is _not_ me!"

"Yeah, whatever." Mithos gave a slight wave of his hand, meaning that he didn't care.

"Oh, and if anyone asks, you're Zelos' cousin from Sybak." Lloyd said.

"What? Why is he _my_ cousin?" Zelos snapped, turning to glare at his husband.

"Well, you've both got this… uh… _aura_ around you." Lloyd said delicately.

"What kind of aura?"

"Errr…"

"A girly one." Kratos said bluntly.

"Humph." Zelos crossed his arms, and turned away the group with a slight pout. A small silence followed, before everyone turned to Dhaos again.

"You can't tell anyone you're from the future, or show off your angel wings." Kratos said.

"And you can't take any souvenirs with you to the future." Mithos added.

"Especially Kratos." Yuan called. "In fact, do not even touch Kratos. You must stay atleast five feet away from him at all times."

"What? But that's just cruel!" Dhaos whined.

"That's the circle of life, buddy." Yuan quickly wrapped an arm around the auburn human. "Touch my property, and die."

"But he's _my_ property too!" Dhaos called.

"He is not!"

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Hey, don't I get a say in this?" Kratos asked, frowning.

"No!" Yuan and Dhaos snapped in unison.

"This has got to be one of the freakiest things I have ever seen…" Genis said softly. Mithos patted the boy on the arm consolingly.

"That's it! You both get a time-out!" Martel called.

"What?" Yuan looked sharply.

"But…" Dhaos began.

"No buts! Both of you, get in a corner and think about what you've done." The greenhaired 'goddess' commanded.

"Can I take Kratos into the corner with me?" Dhaos asked hopefully.

"No you cannot!" Yuan snarled immediately.

"Corner! Now!" Martel shrieked. Both men gulped and sat down in an opposite corner of the room.

"Again, this is one of the freakiest things I've ever seen." Genis whispered, his eyes widening slightly.

"Well, count yourself lucky. I have to _live_ here with these two." Mithos replied with a faint grimace.

* * *

((Heh, good old Idiot Seraphim humour...)) 


	8. Chapter seven

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Oh, for those of you who haven't seen it yet, there's an Idiot Seraphim RP on Livejournal. If you wanna see it, or perhaps even join, there's a link there in my profile.

**Master Summoner Sheena:** Okay, I'm a day late, but... Happy birthday!

**Symphonia-girl:** He must've been completely sold out...

**Nariko.Hoshi:** Yes, I know the chapters are short. But I do upload new ones fairly fast. And with comedy, really long chapters can't be recommended. It ruins the clue.

**Off:** Cless and his companions? No. Maybe a reference to them, but... They won't actually appear.

**Brandy Mallory:** Mmmm... Cream cheese... -_drool_-

**Everyone else who reviewed:** Thank you! Have a cookie! -_hands out cookies_-))

* * *

Chapter seven. 

The next morning everyone was sitting in the kitchen, having breakfast.

"Ugh, I had the worst night's sleep in years." Kratos yawned widely. "I had the strange feeling someone was breathing down my neck."

"Ah, that was Dhaos." Yuan grumbled.

"W-What?"

"I caught him sneaking around in our room last night. But don't worry. I kicked him out into the hallway and _kindly_ reminded him of our restraining order agreement."

"Oh, so _that_'s why you both have a black eye." Lloyd commented, as realisation dawned on him.

"That whole 'shared pain' thing kinda slipped my mind." Yuan shrugged, holding an ice pack against his left eye.

"You shouldn't have punched me in the first place." Dhaos whined, also holding an ice pack against his left eye.

"Well, anyway, it's Saturday today. How about we go do something fun?" Martel suggested.

"Oh! Oh! I know! I know!" Colette bounced up and down, raising her hand.

"Yes, Colette?"

"Let's go to Altamira beach!" The blonde squeaked.

"Oooh, what a great idea! See, that's why I love you. You're so smart!" Martel exclaimed, hugging Colette in an almost fangirlish way. The rest of the gang burst into fits of silent giggles.

"Can I bring Genis?" Mithos asked.

"I shudder at the thought of that boy in swim trunks. So no." Martel responded.

"Racist." Mithos muttered softly, crossing his arms.

* * *

A few hours later, the gang arrived at Altamira, wearing their swimsuits. Everyone was horrified to find out that Dhaos preferred speedos. And, as expected, it was really busy for a Saturday. 

"Wow, look at all these people." Colette gasped, as they wandered the beach, trying to find an empty space.

"Isn't that the guy that always hangs out at the hotsprings?" Lloyd said suddenly, staring blankly to the side. Everyone turned to see Ernie the hotsprings guy waving at them. Though the wave was directed mostly at Zelos.

"This is the first time in my life I've felt uncomfortable with wearing speedos." Zelos muttered, quickly wrapping a towel around his waist.

"Newbie." Dhaos shrugged.

"We found a nice space!" Mithos called, as Kratos threatened away a few people with his sword to make more room.

"Hurray!" Colette squeaked, dumping her things in the soft sand.

"Look! It's Regal and Presea!" Lloyd called, waving at someone in the distance. Pretty soon, Regal came striding towards them, followed by Presea, who was wearing her Klonoa outfit.

"Hello everyone. How've you been?" he asked with a curt nod.

"Oh, you know. The usual. No strange occurrences that have to do with timetravelling. No sirree." Mithos responded quickly. Martel slapped him on the back of the head.

"Who's that man trying to steal Kratos' towel?" Regal asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Everyone turned to see Dhaos freeze, his hand reaching into Kratos' bag.

"Stay away from my stuff!" Kratos shouted, slapping the blonde in the face. Yuan winced in the background.

"He's Zelos' niece-" Lloyd began.

"Cousin." Martel cut in.

"Cousin from Sybak." The boy finished.

"Hmm… He looks more like he's related to Yuan." Regal pondered.

"Yahoo." Presea agreed.

"Well, that's just silly." Zelos said, as everyone laughed nervously.

* * *

((And the beach fun shall continue next chapter!)) 


	9. Chapter eight

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Chapter eight already? Wow. I'm way behind with writing these chapters... And now I'll reply to some reviews!

**Off:** I'd love to see Dhaos in speedos!

**Zeldafan422:** Nope, no fight over Kratos. ... Yet.

**Brandy Mallory:** I was sure lots of people love cream cheese.

**MeredyForMagic:** Because they were in Altamira again. Presea always wears her Klonoa outfit there. (in this fic, anyway)

Again, thanks to everyone who reviewed! Enjoy this chapter!))

* * *

Chapter eight. 

"Hey look! It's the goddess Martel and her sidekick!" a random guy called suddenly. Everyone turned to stare at Martel and Kratos, who was standing a little distance away. Pretty soon, the gang was surrounded by a crowd again.

"Martel, have you returned to kill the sinners?" A small kid squeaked.

"Will you marry me?" A rather large man called.

"Can I buy your sidekick for five gald?" Asked a blonde woman, holding out a pouch of money.

"Uhm…" Martel backed away slightly.

"People, please. How many times do I have to tell you? This woman is not the goddess Martel." Regal said loudly, stepping in between. "That was all just a marketing campaign."

"Loople-doo." Presea added with a nod.

"Hey look, it's 'El Presidenté' and Klonoa girl!" The random guy called, and the crowd cheered.

"Can we have your autograph, 'El Presidenté'?" A little girl asked innocently.

"Uhm… Oh boy, would you look at the time. Gotta run!" Regal made a swift escape, followed closely by Presea. The crowd chased after him, shouting loudly.

"I didn't know he could run that fast…" Lloyd said in an amazed voice.

"Actually, Regal has never handed out a single autograph to his fans. Even though he's been in show business for 2 years and seven months now. It's a record, if I'm not mistaken." Zelos muttered, sitting down in the sand.

"Yes, but next week a fangirl will trick him into signing some fake insurance papers." Dhaos commented, putting on some sunglasses as he lay sprawled out on a towel.

"How do _you_ know?" Yuan asked suspiciously.

"Puhlease. It's all he talked about from that moment on. He managed to get the fangirl thrown into prison, but he still wouldn't shut up about the great 'injustice' of it all." The blonde sighed.

"Zelos, I'm thirsty. Could you get me a drink?" Lloyd whined.

"Sure, hunny. I'll just-" Zelos got to his feet, turning to the juice bar. He soon froze, as he spotted Ernie the hotspring guy sitting on one of the stools, waving at him with a creepy grin. "Uh… On second thought… Better wait a few hours." The ex-chosen said, quickly sitting down again.

"Look, I made a sandcastle!" Colette called happily.

"Colette, that's just a small heap of sand." Mithos said slowly.

"No it's not! It's a castle! The biggest castle in _all_ the land." Colette spread her arms out to emphasize her point.

"Again, it's just a small heap of sand." Mithos said, getting slightly annoyed. He was soon slapped by Martel.

"If she says it's a castle, it's a castle!" the girl snapped.

"Martel, it really is a heap of sand. And not a very pretty one either." Yuan commented.

"Why asked _you_ to get involved, Rene_gay_ leader?" Martel shot back at him.

"Waaah! Martel is being mean to me again!" Yuan ran over to Kratos, and hid behind his back.

"You're all such children." the human sighed.

"Heh, these days were the best days of my life." Dhaos said with a nostalgic grin.

* * *

A few hours later, the group returned to Vinheim the second. Martel and Mithos were still squabbling loudly, and everyone decided it would be best not to pay attention to them anymore. 

Meanwhile, Yuan was still wondering how people could confuse him with Dhaos. He found the whole concept rather ridiculous. And he made sure to whine about it as much as possible.

"I mean, honestly, he looks _nothing_ like me!" Yuan said for the fortieth time that day.

"Uhuh." Kratos gave an absentminded nod and rolled over. It was the middle of the night, afterall, and everyone was supposed to be fast asleep. Yuan simply ignored this rule.

"And time travelling is pretty impossible anyway. It's like some bad Sci-fi movie." The seraph continued.

At this point, Kratos decided he'd had enough, and started to feign sleep. Yuan noticed and shrugged helplessly. He crawled out of bed, deciding to pay a quick visit to the bathroom.

Just as he made his way through the hallway, he passed Dhaos.

"Neh." He said.

"Neh." Dhaos replied.

"… Wait…" Yuan turned to stare after Dhaos, as it finally got through to him. The man was wearing curlers in his hair, a long pink nightgown, and matching bunny slippers. Yuan was frozen on the spot for the next five minutes, trying to figure out why on earth he'd ever wear something like that in the future. After he returned to bed, he spent the rest of the night staring blankly at the ceiling, too scared to go to sleep.

* * *

((Heheh, ah, poor Yuan. Anyway, next chapter will be up on Monday, because I'm leaving for a Dutch animeconvention tomorrow. I'll be crossplaying as Yuan. -_evil smirk_-)) 


	10. Chapter nine

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: I'm back! The convention was awesome. Those who have access to my LJ know why. Heheheheh...

**Sesshy is sexii:** Oh yes, I had lots of fun. Too bad only one person seemed to recognise me. Not many people knew ToS.

**Zeldafan422:** Actually, I thought it up real fast. And Dhaos wears a lot of odd stuff when nobody is looking. Or when future Kratos was looking. Heheheh...

**Notahu:** I'm the complete opposite of refreshed right now. Huge sleep shortage. But here's the next chapter anyway!

**Kitsu:** No, it's not a Yuan thing _yet_. But it will be. Heheheh...

**Symphonia Alchemist:** I did not have a single fangirl... VV

Everyone else: Thanks for reviewing. And stuff...))

* * *

Chapter nine. 

The next day, the group was sitting in the kitchen, having breakfast. They thought things had just calmed down a bit. Which is why it was such a surprise when they saw Martel and Colette walk in, each carrying a suitcase.

"Are we going on a holiday?" Zelos asked, slightly confused.

"No, you're not. _We_ are." Martel replied.

"Yeah, that's what I said. We. Gee, you have to pay attention to what I'm saying." Zelos shrugged in a slightly offended way.

"Not 'we' as in 'us', but 'we' as in 'me and Colette'." Martel sighed deeply, burying her face in one of her hands.

"Huh? Where are you going?" Lloyd frowned lightly, putting down his toast.

"We've decided that we can't stand being in the same house as Dhaos anymore. So we're leaving." Martel responded, and Colette gave a firm nod.

"What? But you guys seemed to be getting along so well-" Yuan broke off, thinking deeply. "Wait, why the heck am I arguing with you? You girls have fun!"

"Yes. By all means, take your time." Kratos added, smiling pleasantly.

"Should you see an opportunity to get in some sort of horrible accident, be sure to take it!" Mithos called. He was whacked on the back of the head by Martel.

"We'll be back as soon as Dhaos leaves." She growled. "And in the meantime, you can contact us at Luin's inn."

"I doubt that will be necessary." Lloyd said, trying very hard to suppress a smirk.

"Bye bye now!" Zelos called, waving brightly.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were _happy_ to see us leave." Colette tilted her head, a confused look on her face.

"Ofcourse not Colette. The guys know better than to think stuff like that." Martel glared at the gang, who looked away innocently. "Well, see you soon!"

And with that, the two girls walked off, slamming the door behind them.

A long silence followed, before the group erupted into loud cheers. Mithos pulled a handful of confetti out of nowhere, while Yuan blew a party whistle.

"Finally! The creep makes himself useful!" Zelos called happily, pulling Lloyd up from his chair and waltzing around the room with him.

"Hey!" Dhaos shouted, crossing his arms and glaring at the red-head.

"Ahhh, this is great. No Martel, and no Colette. Just us guys." Yuan leaned back in his chair, smiling at the ceiling. "Okay, us guys and Dhaos." He corrected himself.

"Hey!" Dhaos now turned to glare at Yuan.

"I think you guys should stop being so mean to Dhaos. He's not a bad guy." Lloyd said, breaking away from Zelos and sitting down again.

"Hah, see? Spunky here appreciates me." Dhaos smiled at Lloyd.

"… Spunky?" the boy repeated, frowning.

"If you all want to thank me for getting rid of the two menaces, a few hours with Kratos in a broomcloset would-"

"No!" Yuan shouted immediately, getting ready to slap Dhaos. Kratos beat him to it.

"My beautiful face!" Dhaos whined, holding a hand to his cheek.

"No, _my_ beautiful face!" Yuan whined, also holding a hand to his cheek.

"I'm still not quite over just how freaky this is." Mithos mumbled, staring at his toast again.

"Well… Can I visit the Mana company then?" Dhaos asked sadly.

"The Mana company? Why?" Lloyd inquired, a bit startled.

"I just wanna see the tree again. It was so cute when it was little… Nowadays, it looks like a- No, I'm not allowed to say." Dhaos suddenly looked away, as though he had almost said something extremely shocking.

"Well… I guess that's okay. Today's a Sunday, so you can come along tomorrow." Lloyd shrugged lightly.

Suddenly, Zelos let out a loud shriek. Everyone turned to stare at him.

"There's a dagger in my sandwich!" The red-head whined, pointing at his sandwich in horror.

Everyone turned to stare at Dhaos.

"Uhm… Gee. How'd that get there? Eheheh…"

* * *

((Ah yes, the Mana company. That'll be fun again.)) 


	11. Chapter ten

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Yay! Chapter number 10 already!

**Off:** Nah, Dhaos annoyed Martel and Colette with his gay-ness. I think... I'm not sure actually. But it doesn't matter anyway.

**Brandy Mallory:** LOL! I can just imagine you peeking into your lunchbox every day, and poking your sandwich with a stick.

**DraNKa:** Yes yes, Genis shall take advantage of this. ... Two chapters from now.

**Symphonia Alchemist:** The Mana company is always fun!

**Everyone else:** Thanks for reviewing! As a 10th chapter gift, Dhaos shall sing a little song!

Dhaos: -_totally offkey_- "I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! And witty! And gaaaay!"

... Uh... Thank you, Dhaos.))

* * *

Chapter ten. 

The next day, Lloyd arrived at the Mana company, followed by a half-asleep Dhaos.

"You own this company. Why don't you change the times so people don't have to get up so early?" The blonde yawned.

"I have no problem with getting up early. And besides, if you hadn't been sneaking around Vinheim all night long, you wouldn't be so tired." Lloyd shrugged.

Dhaos didn't reply, not giving any sort of excuse for being a total creep. Lloyd led the way into his office, before turning to his secretary.

"Good morning Tabatha. Any new messages?" he asked.

"Yes sir." Tabatha replied, picking up a note that was lying on her desk. "A man named Abyssion called. He said he wanted a loan, and would pay it back double after a visit to the casino."

"Tch. Yeah right." Lloyd took the note, and tore it in half. "Tell him I won't fall for that one again."

"Yes sir." Tabatha nodded, and started dialling a phonenumber. After the gossip magazines found out about him and Zelos, Lloyd's old secretary was fired, and replaced by Tabatha. It made Lloyd very pleased, since she worked for free, and doubled as both an answering machine and a fax. She could even browse the internet if he hooked her up to the phone line.

"So, this is your office, huh?" Dhaos asked, glancing around.

"You've never seen it?" Lloyd frowned slightly.

"Back then, I couldn't care less about where you work." Dhaos shrugged, before hopping down in Lloyd's fancy chair.

"I see… But then how long does the Mana company- _Don't touch that_!" Lloyd shouted. Dhaos immediately froze, his hand halfway to a large red button.

"What does it do?" He asked curiously.

"I don't know. But large red buttons always mean trouble. So I never touched it, and I never will." Lloyd shook his head vigorously.

"Oh, then you won't mind if _I_ touch it." Dhaos quickly pushed the button before the brown-haired boy could stop him.

Suddenly, loud carnival music started playing, and confetti fell down from the ceiling. Iselia's mayor, dressed in a clown outfit burst through the door, threw a pie in Lloyd's face, and ran out again, laughing maniacally. A long silence followed.

"… Well gee. _There_'s something you don't see every day." Dhaos commented, still in a state of surprise.

* * *

Lloyd then led Dhaos to a large, metal door, leading to the so-called Garden of Wealth. He pushed his ID-card in a small slot before entering a code. 

"_Voice identification program start-up. __Enter voice code._" Said a female robotic voice.

"Zelos Wilder is my hunny." Lloyd responded into the microphone.

"_What kind of hunny?_" the voice asked.

"A chosen one."

"_Voice code accepted._" The door opened with a click, and Dhaos and Lloyd entered the garden that lay beyond it. The Kharlan tree was now six feet high, but losing its leaves due to autumn effects. The word 'Splinter' on the sign next to it had been crossed out, and replaced by 'Yggdrasill'.

"So, there's the tree. Happy now?" Lloyd grunted.

"Oh yes. Very." Dhaos' eyes began to sparkle as he approached the tree. He reached into his cloak, pulling out a shovel.

Suddenly, a loud siren started blaring, and the man was buried under a pile of security guards.

"I was kidding!" Dhaos shouted, struggling to break free.

"Let him go guys, he's harmless. Mostly." Lloyd shrugged.

The security guards muttered absentmindedly, and crawled off Dhaos again. Though they were forced to confiscate the shovel. Dhaos got to his feet, dusting himself off.

"Honestly, can't you guys take a joke? If I wanted to take the Kharlan tree, I'd eradicate all of mankind first."

Lloyd sighed deeply, watching the security guards jump on top of Dhaos again.

"I was _kidding_, dammit!" the blonde shouted.

* * *

((Heh, poor Dhaos. But you should know better than to try and steal the great tree.)) 


	12. Chapter eleven

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: I've nearly finished writing the story now. 14 chapters in total, unless I suddenly decide to add something else.

**Kitsu:** Can't wait for the storyboard!

**Off:** If you want to hear Dhaos sing, shove him into a shower. Oh, I can already imagine him with a pink shower cap! And colourful bubbles galore!

**DraNKa:** You're gonna love chapters 12 and 13!

**Hoshi:** Yeah, I really should continue with ToP myself. I have to go into some lame mines, but I'm lazy.

**Brandy Mallory:** Alas, if you want to steal the tree, you'll need to infiltrate the Mana company, and bypass the guards first.

**Everyone else:** Thanks for reviewing! ... Again!))

* * *

Chapter eleven. 

Dhaos soon returned to Vinheim, being banned from the Mana company for the rest of his life. Feeling slightly depressed, he started rummaging through the kitchen cupboards, in search of something to eat. Suddenly, a pepper shaker fell on his head. It broke, showering him in little grains of pepper. Not able to hold it in, Dhaos sneezed loudly. With a slight poof sound, he was covered in a burst of bright sparkles.

'Wow, that was weird.' He thought vaguely. Then he wanted to continue his search through the cupboards, but noticed that his gloves had changed. Looking down, he gave a slight gasp. He was wearing Yuan's armour. Also known as his own old armour.

He quickly hurried over to a nearby mirror, and checked himself out. The sneeze had caused him to completely transform into his old self.

Suddenly, the door behind him opened and present Yuan entered. Dhaos turned to stare at him, and Yuan stared back before fainting.

'What a wussy. Honestly.' Dhaos thought, approaching him. Then, an evil grin spread across his face.

Making sure he didn't run into anyone, he carried Yuan to a random library and dropped him carelessly on one of the couches. Then he returned to the first floor, to find Kratos wandering the hallways.

"Heya Yuan." The auburn man said, winking at him.

"Yes. I am Yuan." Dhaos replied quickly.

"…" Kratos stared at him.

"Hey, since that annoying Dhaos guy is gone, I figured we finally have some time to ourselves, if you know what I mean." Dhaos continued, trying to seem as Yuan-like as possible.

"You mean… happy time?" Kratos asked, suddenly smiling wickedly.

"Exactly." Dhaos nodded.

"Meet me in our room in five minutes." Kratos said, before hurrying away.

'Jackpot!' Dhaos thought, grinning evilly again. Just then, he felt another sneeze coming on. 'No! Nooo!-'

"Atchoo!"

Dhaos was once again surrounded by colourful sparkles, which could mean only one thing…

"Noooo!" He called desperately, falling to his knees.

"Dhaos, what the heck are you doing?" Mithos asked, as he rounded a corner.

"Cursing my very soul." Dhaos replied, sobbing.

"Oh, okay. Carry on then." Mithos said, and he continued walking.

* * *

A little while later, the guys were in the kitchen having linner. Linner was kind of like brunch, except that it was a mix between lunch and dinner. Kratos kept throwing odd glances at Yuan, who didn't notice a thing. 

"So… Any plans for tonight?" Mithos asked, spooning lots of sugar into his coffee.

"Well, we should take advantage of the fact that Martel and Colette are gone." Zelos commented loudly.

"How about a disco party?" Dhaos suggested. Everyone stared at him.

"That's a wonderful idea!" Mithos squeaked, spontaneously transforming into Yggdrasill. "I can invite Genis too!"

"It's been a while since our last disco party, hasn't it?" Yuan asked, smiling faintly.

"Yeah. They give Martel headaches…" Yggdrasill grunted.

"What is it with you guys and disco?" Zelos sighed helplessly.

"It's tradition!" Yggdrasill called, hopping to his feet. "I'll go prepare the dance hall."

"Come on, Kratos. Let's go help him out. Otherwise, it'll take hours." Yuan said, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.

"Errr… Right." Kratos pushed himself to his feet, and followed Yuan out the door.

"G-guys! Wait for me!" Zelos shouted, shooting a nervous glance at Dhaos.

"Oh, don't worry kid. If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn't do it in the kitchen. It'd give too much of a mess." Dhaos said with a creepy grin.

Zelos gave a small squeak in fear, and fled the room, leaving Dhaos to plot evil deeds.

* * *

((Yay! Disco party! And Genis is invited too! That promises to be a lot of fun! ... Maaaybe.)) 


	13. Chapter twelve

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot Seraphim Quattro.

((A/N: _One_ review?... Errr...Well, okay then. Thanks **Zeldafan422**!))

* * *

Chapter twelve. 

It didn't take long for the disco party to get started. Everyone was happy to help set it up, and soon Genis had arrived too. The boy had an incredibly strange sense of fashion, however, as he wore platform shoes that made him taller than everyone else. The group was a bit uncomfortable with having to look up whenever they talked to him. In fact, the only one who didn't mind was Yggdrasill.

"Let's get this party started!" Dhaos called, entering the room. Everyone stared at him.

"What the _heck_ are you wearing?" Yuan asked, half shielding his eyes.

"My disco outfit." Dhaos replied simply. Indeed, he was wearing a bright, silver, spandex full bodysuit.

"Hey, _I_'m the spandex master, buddy!" Yggdrasill shouted, taking it as a personal insult.

"True. But I have to take over as disco lord after you fall into a manic depression because of- Nah, I can't say." Dhaos shook his head simply.

"Yeah? Well… Well…" Yggdrasill turned to Yuan. "I forbid you to take over as disco lord!"

"Trust me, I'm don't intend to." The seraph replied with a heavy shudder.

"You can't avoid it. It's your destiny." Dhaos said with a shrug.

"I'd rather fling myself off this tower, land in a thousand needles, take off my clothes, and dance the cha-cha while holding five buckets of water." Yuan shouted.

There was a small silence and everyone turned to see Kratos sniggering softly. He quickly cleared his throat when he noticed he was being stared at.

"Well, if you think you have what it takes to be the new disco lord, then you must prove your might." Yggdrasill snarled.

"You mean…" Dhaos began.

"Oh yes. I mean." Yggdrasill nodded slowly.

"Ooooh, a dance-off! We haven't had one in years!" Kratos said excitedly.

* * *

Soon, preparations for the dance-off were set, as a large stage had appeared in the middle of the dance room. 

"Let's do this." Yggdrasill snarled, wearing a towel around his neck.

"You can beat him!" Genis hollered, giving Yggdrasill the thumbs up.

"Will you give me a good luck kiss?" Dhaos asked Kratos.

"No he will not!" Yuan shouted angrily, jumping in between.

"Geez, no need to be so mean." Dhaos sighed sadly. "We need an impartial judge." He added, glancing at the spectators.

"Yuan!" Yggdrasill called.

"What? Why me?" Yuan looked around nervously.

"You hate us both, so we can be sure you don't choose sides." Yggdrasill explained as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Ah, he's got a point." Dhaos added.

"Fine. Fine. Let's get this over with." Yuan hopped onto the stage, and grabbed a microphone. "In the East corner, defending his title, the annoying brat Mithos Yggdrasill!"

"Yaaay! Go Mithos!" Genis cheered, waving a little 'Yggy' flag.

"In the other corner, the challenger, Dhaos… uh…" Yuan turned to Dhaos, covering the microphone with his hand. "Do you even _have_ a last name?"

"No. Alter-egos don't need last names." Dhaos replied with a shrug.

"Right." Yuan turned back to the crowd. "Uh… Well, let's get it on! DJ, start the music."

Kratos flicked a button on Mithos' huge boombox, and an explosion of sound spread through the castle.

"What the heck is that!" Zelos shouted, covering his ears.

"Music!" Kratos shouted back.

"Tch, yeah right." The red-head muttered, stepping as far away from the speakers as possible.

* * *

An hour later, the dance battle still wasn't decided. Yggdrasill and Dhaos seemed evenly matched. Genis was still watching excitedly, while Zelos and Kratos were getting a bit bored. 

"Hey, do you hear that?" Kratos asked suddenly.

"What?" Zelos looked up, still covering his ears.

"That strange sound…" Kratos glanced around.

"It's ringing caused by the loud music." Zelos shouted.

"No, it's more like a… a siren."

"You mean like an ambulance?" Zelos started to listen intently too.

"Not an ambulance." Kratos thought deeply.

"I think it's more like a fire alarm." Genis said wisely.

"Yeah, that's it. A fire al- … Oh shit!" Kratos hopped to his feet, ran towards the door, and pulled it open. Immediately, smoke came rushing into the room.

* * *

((I'm not uploading the next chapter until I get enough reviews! So hop to it! -_evil snicker_-)) 


	14. Chapter thirteen

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Awww... You all took the time to review! Thanks! I shall reply to you all!

**Zeldafan422:** Yeah, I have no clue how to write dance-offs. And it isn't the first time in IS that I ended with a cliffhanger. Actually, I think IS deux had quite a lot of them.

**Symphonia Alchemist:** Hmm... I can just imagine Yggdrasill challenging Vidarr to a dance-off.

**Notahu:** For some reason, Kratos is always the pervert. Maybe it's because he hardly talks, that fangirls assume he's thinking naughty thoughts.

**Sesshy is sexii:** Darnit, now I can't shake the image of the seraphim singing YMCA...

**DraNKa:**I think you'll likea certain scene of this chapter. I put it in just for you.

**Ana Paula92:** Pretty much everyone of Cruxis is a disco dancer. 'Cept for Zelos, Colette and Martel.

**Kitsu:** Only one answer to that question. Because Dhaos is an idiot.))

* * *

Chapter thirteen. 

It wasn't until Kratos pulled the plug on the music, that Yggdrasill and Dhaos stopped dancing. Yuan snapped out of his completely impartial coma o' boredom, and glanced around.

"Hey, what gives?" Yggdrasill shouted angrily.

"Yeah! I was just getting started!" Dhaos added.

"_That_ gives!" Kratos called, pointing at the smoke that was still pooling into the room.

"Whoah, what the heck?" Yggdrasill's jaw dropped, before he turned to Yuan with a dismissive look. "Have you been cooking again?"

"No! It wasn't me this time!" Yuan waved his hands in defence.

"Come on, we have to go put out that fire!" Kratos pulled a gasmask out of nowhere, and headed into the hallway. The others followed.

"Yup, never a dull day here." Genis sighed, before hitting his head on the doorpost and falling backwards.

"Ack! Genis!" Yggdrasill kneeled down next to the boy. "Speak to me!"

"I never had this problem when I was small…" Genis groaned, rubbing his forehead.

"Then take off those ridiculous shoes!" Zelos said, chuckling lightly.

"I can't. Raine tied the shoelaces for me. They're a double knot, so I can't-" Genis broke off, blushing heavily.

"Wait… Are you saying you don't know how to tie shoes?" Zelos suddenly burst out laughing. "The great genius of Iselia doesn't know how to tie shoelaces!"

"That's not my fault! It's uh… Because of a genetical fault that tends to skip three and a half generations. Yeah." Genis coughed loudly.

"I think my great-aunt Tilly suffered from the same thing." Yggdrasill said, thinking deeply. "It was either that, or a great fear for spaghetti."

"Guys, are you gonna sit here all day, or are you going to help us with the fire?" Yuan poked his head into the room.

"But Genis is hurt!" Yggdrasill shouted.

"We'll all be hurt if the castle burns down!" Yuan retorted. "Financially, anyway." He added in a mutter.

* * *

A short while later, the flames had been extinguished, and windows had been opened to get rid of the smoke. The source of the fire had soon been localised. It was… 

"This." Kratos held up a charred curling iron.

"Hey, that's mine!" Dhaos snatched it from his hand. Everyone glared at him, causing him to turn pale. "I uh… must've forgotten to unplug it. Eheheh…"

"You bastard! You burnt down half our castle!" Yuan shouted.

"Hey, it's not my fault the sucky Mana in this time destroys fine magi-technology!" Dhaos retorted, holding the curling iron to his chest.

"So now you're insulting my husband's Mana company too?" Zelos crossed his arms angrily.

"Yes, I am. If it wasn't for the Mana company, the future wouldn't be doomed!" Dhaos blurted out, before covering his mouth.

"W-What?" Everyone stared at him.

"… I said nothing. You all heard nothing."

"I clearly heard you say that the future is doomed because of the Mana company." Kratos said, and the others nodded.

"You must've misheard me." Dhaos' eyes shifted around nervously. "So anyway, who's up for a game of Scrabble?"

"Oooh! Scrabble!" Yggdrasill and Kratos called at the same time.

"Not. So. Fast." Yuan growled, approaching Dhaos. "I've had it with you. You barge in here, try to steal the love of my life, kill one of my colleagues, and even burn the place down!"

"It was an accident." Dhaos muttered, looking away.

"Time to finish this." Yuan held his fist in front of Dhaos' face threateningly.

"Yuan, you can't! If you beat him up, you'll beat yourself up too!" Kratos called, trying to pull him back.

"Oh, but it'll be worth it! Boy, would it be worth it!" Yuan greatly resembled a rabid dog, foaming slightly at the mouth.

"H-hold on now, buddy. No need for violence." Dhaos backed away nervously.

Yuan quickly broke free of Kratos' grip, and stormed towards the blonde, ready to kill.

* * *

((Dun dun duuuuun! ... Again!)) 

((Next up is the last chapter, and I'm working on the epilogue as we speak!))


	15. Chapter fourteen

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

((A/N: Alrighty. Last chapter everyone!

**Notahu: **Curling irons damage your hair? I did not know that...

**Zeldafan422:** Yeah, everyone has faults, I guess. But I doubt Mithos can't snap his fingers. He's the Spandex master, afterall.

**DraNKa:** Oh. My. Goddess! I loved the drawing SO much! Thank yooou!

**Kitsu:** No, Dhaos was telling the truth. He did go back to the past because Kratos died. It's just that... Well... I'm not even sure what exactly the Mana company did to the future. It probably made the tree sick or something. But the guys are obviously still alive, so...

**Hoshi:** The platform shoes weren't even my idea. It was a suggestion from some forum members. The mental image is just sooo adorable!

**Symphonia Alchemist:** The last chapter isn't even up properly, and already people ask about IS 5...

**Sesshy is sexii:** Yeah, the scrabble always returns. I'm not sure why...))

* * *

Chapter fourteen. 

Ofcourse, Yuan's battleskills were highly overrated. Beating Dhaos up seemed to consist only of weak bitchslaps. They were enough to make Dhaos angry though. So the other seraphim were amused for a while, watching Yuan and Dhaos exchange simple slaps and then both shrieking in pain at the same time.

"Think we should stop them?" Zelos asked, stealing some popcorn from Mithos.

"Nah. They'll tire themselves out after a while." The boy responded, slapping Zelos' hand.

"Hey guys, what's going on here?" Lloyd asked, returning from work.

"Cat fight." Genis said shortly.

"Oooh, awesome."

Kratos was the only one who looked up when the doorbell rang.

"… I'll get it." He said, and got no response. Shrugging, he entered the hallway and opened the front door to get a nasty shock. Standing in front of him was a person with long, sleek black hair. Kratos couldn't really tell if it was a man or not. He decided that it must be some sort of crossdresser. The stranger wore a tight pink shirt, red baggy pants, and glittery platform shoes. He also wore lime green bracelets that contrasted heavily with all the pink. His eyes were a deep purple.

"… You're not selling gaybar subscriptions or anything like that, are you?" Kratos asked suspiciously.

"Is Dhaos here?" the man asked urgently.

"Ahhh… That explains it." Kratos stepped aside to let the stranger in, and led him to the living room, where Yuan and Dhaos were still battling to the 'death'.

"Dhaos, there's a… Uh… _gentleman_ here to see you." Kratos said, causing everyone to look up. Dhaos stared at them, a strange expression on his face.

"Nancyyyy!" he shrieked, running towards the stranger and pulling him into a hug.

"… Nancy?" Everyone repeated.

"How? I thought you died!" Dhaos sniffed, still clinging to the man.

"No _way_." Mithos said slowly, as it dawned on everyone.

"No! It can't be! This guy!- Oh lords, I don't wanna turn out like _that_!" Kratos cried.

"Blame your fate." Nancy said.

"Yup, it's him alright." Lloyd sighed.

"Spunky used a lifebottle on me." Nancy explained, gently shoving Dhaos off him again.

"… Spunky?" Everyone repeated.

"Yes. Lloyd in the future." Nancy said simply. Lloyd whimpered. "And Dynamo says he didn't mean to kill me, so don't hurt his past self."

"Dynamo…" Zelos repeated, suffering from an extreme headache.

"I'm sorry Nancy. I missed you so much that-" Dhaos began, but he was cut off.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Come on. The past is chaotic enough, without you messing it up." Nancy said dismissively.

"Gee, tell me about it." Dhaos rolled his eyes.

"Hey, now hold on just a minute!" Yuan shouted.

"Yes?" Nancy turned to face him.

"You…We… -Why the heck did you name yourself _Nancy_?" Yuan spluttered.

"Yeah! And what kind of names are Spunky and Dynamo?" Lloyd added.

"Crazy times in the future. Eheheh…" Nancy grinned in a creepy way.

"This is too weird. Honestly." Yggdrasill said.

"Oh look, he's still sane." Nancy commented, glancing at Yggdrasill.

"What's that supposed to mean?" the blonde snarled.

"Nancy, he was never sane." Dhaos said with a grin.

"Hey!" Yggdrasill clenched his fists like some angry little child. Genis snapped out of his state of shock to pat him on the back.

"Well, let's get going. The future awaits." Nancy stepped back, pulling Dhaos along with him. They were both surrounded by twinkly lights.

"Hey wait!" Lloyd shouted.

"Don't worry guys. The future has lots of freaky stuff in store for you, but eventually you'll end up just like us!" Dhaos grinned brightly, and then the two disappeared in a flash.

That night, none of the seraphim managed to get to sleep, as they all stared blankly at the ceiling, scared out of their wits.

* * *

((-_starts laughing_- Poor guys! Well, what are you doing still reading this? Get started on the epilogue!)) 


	16. Epilogue

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim quattro.

* * *

Epilogue. 

A few days later…

'Ding dong!'

"Uhm… Coming!" Mithos called, storming into the hallway and slamming the living room door shut behind him.

'Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Di-'

"I said, I'm coming!" Mithos roared. He pulled the door open to see Colette, her finger nearly glued to the doorbell. Martel was standing behind her, looking around boredly.

"Oh! Hi Mithos!" Colette finally let go of the doorbell, and the infernal ringing stopped.

"M-Martel! Colette! Uhm… W-what are you doing here?" Mithos asked nervously.

"We came to see how you guys were doing without us, obviously." Martel drawled.

"Oh! Fine! Just fine! So you can leave again!" Mithos tried to shut the door, but Martel grabbed it.

"You won't mind if we take a look around, right? Cause heaven knows you're all just helpless without us." She said, stepping into the hallway.

"Uh… Oh! S-sure! Be my guest!" Mithos coughed loudly.

"Come on Colette, let's go to the living room." Martel commanded, already walking towards the door.

"Yay!" Colette skipped after her.

Mithos followed, twitching nervously as Martel entered the living room and glanced around.

"Hi Martel!" the guys chorused innocently, sitting around a table.

"We were just playing a game of Scrabble. The _six_ of us." Mithos explained. "See? There's Zelos, Lloyd, Yuan, Kratos and _Dhaos_." The boy pointed them all out.

"So I see…" Martel glanced at the group suspiciously. "There's something wrong with this picture."

"No there's not! Nothing suspicious here!" Yuan blurted out.

"I… smell… a brat!" Martel's eyes whipped around the room. "Colette, fetch!"

Colette made a strange growling sound, before diving under the table. Mithos gasped, and there was a loud scream as Genis came darting out from underneath it.

"I'm sorry miss Martel! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry!" the boy shouted.

"Out." Martel pointed to the door.

"Bye Genis…" Mithos called sadly, watching his friend exit the room.

"So you invited your little buddy over, did you?" Martel spat nastily.

"Yes." Mithos cast his eyes to the floor.

"Martel?" Colette called.

"Not now, dear." Martel said, before turning back to Mithos. "I've told you a million times how I feel about that boy."

"Martel?" Colette called again.

"And you never seem to listen, do you?" Martel continued, not listening.

"Martel! Cardboard!" Colette shouted loudly. Everyone gasped.

"W-what?" Martel turned to Colette, frowning.

"Cardboard!" the girl said, pointing to Dhaos. Everyone looked away.

"Wait a minute…" Martel approached Dhaos, and gave him a shove. He fell over. "This isn't Dhaos! This is a cardboard cut-out!"

"Thanks a _lot_, Colette!" Lloyd snarled.

"Any time!" Colette said, smiling stupidly.

"Looks like Dhaos went home then?" Martel asked, narrowing her eyes.

"N-no! He's uh… In the bathroom!" Yuan lied.

"… Decaf." The 'goddess' said simply.

Yuan screamed in pain and fell off his chair. "Yes! Yes, he went home!"

Martel smirked, and turned to Colette. "Alright, let's return to the inn and pack our things. Our holiday is over."

"Yaaay!" Colette cheered. "You guys are gonna _love_ the souvenirs I bought you!"

Everyone groaned heavily, knowing that things were officially back to normal now.

* * *

((A/N: Tadaaah! Thanks for reading part four of the Idiot Seraphim series, and I hope you enjoyed it. As for Idiot Seraphim part five... I'm not sure yet. If I get a burst of inspiration, I might write a fifth part. But I can't assure anything.)) 


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